The image still haunts me – "How to Conceive Naturally And Have a Healthy Pregnancy after 30" was the title of a book that sat for months on the arm of the sofa in the house I shared with my ex-husband. In early 2017, I would start trying to get pregnant. This too was a decision I hadn’t intentionally chosen, it was just what you did. You got married, you bought a house, you got pregnant. I wasn’t raised in any form of traditional anything, and yet the volume of this cultural expectation was so loud that it drowned out any viable alternative.
Really beautifully written Anya, and an important message that I've been thinking about for a long time. Once the no kids decision was made and my partner had his vasectomy, I had to be really careful not to allow myself to fall into a massive pressure hole of "well, if I'm not having kids, then what am I doing with my life?" I sort of felt this need to justify the childlessness with something meaningful, but after a while I realised life is ALREADY meaningful without me artificially injecting some other forced layer on top.
I also decided to re-define what motherhood meant to me and realised there were so many ways I was showing up in a "motherly" way for my my community. It was a journey of some years to reach that place, but going on that path really enabled me to access full joy, contentment and fulfilment from all those moments I share care for others, young and old (and also in the sense of environmental stewardship).
Felt this deeply and have been thinking about it ever since you posted this the other day. I think we are going to try and have kids, but after a previous super dangerous type of ectopic pregnancy a few years ago, I’m giving it one more shot and whatever happens, happens.
And thinking about it in the context of Maiden/Mother/Crone- what happens if we don’t birth a child? Do we just skip over Motherhood and go straight to Crone? Is there only the Mother or the Whore? I feel I have embodied the Whore for all of my life, so I do feel that longing to embody the Mother, but what does that look like outside of having your own children?
I’ve been feeling into the energetics behind Motherhood, and a common one I hear is the complete dissolving of your previous identity (in simple terms) and as I ease into my 30s, and go deeper into volunteering and horse rescue work, I find my Self less and less important. I am working towards a legacy with the work I do in this world, and that is a birth in and of itself, and a dissolving of the person I thought I was. These thoughts are far from complete- but I think about the saying “it takes a village to raise a child” and I intuitively feel that those who do not have children can still actively participate in the raising of the next generation in some way. That yes, there are many other women that can’t or don’t want to have their own children, but what does that look like in a community? I believe there are other ways to embody the Mother outside of childbirth.
Absolutely love your writing and your thoughts Anya. I wholeheartedly believe we need women in this world who choose not to have children so they can come forth and “birth” many other projects into existence 💗 I hold my friends so close to my heart who have chosen this path. They have become amazing mentors for my children and radiate a unique “inner child” in them, which I love so deeply.
Really beautifully written Anya, and an important message that I've been thinking about for a long time. Once the no kids decision was made and my partner had his vasectomy, I had to be really careful not to allow myself to fall into a massive pressure hole of "well, if I'm not having kids, then what am I doing with my life?" I sort of felt this need to justify the childlessness with something meaningful, but after a while I realised life is ALREADY meaningful without me artificially injecting some other forced layer on top.
I also decided to re-define what motherhood meant to me and realised there were so many ways I was showing up in a "motherly" way for my my community. It was a journey of some years to reach that place, but going on that path really enabled me to access full joy, contentment and fulfilment from all those moments I share care for others, young and old (and also in the sense of environmental stewardship).
Felt this deeply and have been thinking about it ever since you posted this the other day. I think we are going to try and have kids, but after a previous super dangerous type of ectopic pregnancy a few years ago, I’m giving it one more shot and whatever happens, happens.
And thinking about it in the context of Maiden/Mother/Crone- what happens if we don’t birth a child? Do we just skip over Motherhood and go straight to Crone? Is there only the Mother or the Whore? I feel I have embodied the Whore for all of my life, so I do feel that longing to embody the Mother, but what does that look like outside of having your own children?
I’ve been feeling into the energetics behind Motherhood, and a common one I hear is the complete dissolving of your previous identity (in simple terms) and as I ease into my 30s, and go deeper into volunteering and horse rescue work, I find my Self less and less important. I am working towards a legacy with the work I do in this world, and that is a birth in and of itself, and a dissolving of the person I thought I was. These thoughts are far from complete- but I think about the saying “it takes a village to raise a child” and I intuitively feel that those who do not have children can still actively participate in the raising of the next generation in some way. That yes, there are many other women that can’t or don’t want to have their own children, but what does that look like in a community? I believe there are other ways to embody the Mother outside of childbirth.
Absolutely love your writing and your thoughts Anya. I wholeheartedly believe we need women in this world who choose not to have children so they can come forth and “birth” many other projects into existence 💗 I hold my friends so close to my heart who have chosen this path. They have become amazing mentors for my children and radiate a unique “inner child” in them, which I love so deeply.