Thank you so much for this piece Anya. So many parallels here to my own life. I also left my marriage in 2017 at the age of 30 and felt drawn towards exploring intentional communities, spending some time at eco projects around Germany. But eventually, I came to realise that what I was looking for wasn't a kind of intentional commune (in fact, I now even see many difficulties with such concepts), but rather a sense of belonging and togetherness.
In the last year or so, after living in my apartment building for over 10 years, I've been working to build togetherness with our neighbours. By placing an old secondhand picnic bench and a ping pong table in our shared yard, I've been able to enter into some incredible conversations and drink tea with people who have been in the building for 45 years! (Some even asked if I was new to the building! I guess this is that "willingness to be seen" that Ian Mackenzie talks about...).
This is the kind of community that fascinates me now: the one that precisely _isn't_ intentional, but rather entirely random. And yet despite this, connection is to be found. Of course, it doesn't happen automatically. And it takes openness, curiosity and stepping out of the control-freak zone (a shared gardening project with the neighbours really illuminated that to me!).
I feel incredibly nourished by this, and I'm really grateful to be a genuine part of it. I don't want community to be something that is marketed to me to sell more products or services. I want genuine participation, stewardship and reciprocity - even with all the awkward stuff.
Thanks so much for sharing your story on this. What a wonderful journey you have been on since that eclipse! I hope for the solstice in a few days will be equally as memorable for you, as you build the life boat with all your humble learnings!
Thanks so much for sharing all of this, Zaz! So cool about what you've been able to cultivate in your apartment building. I think it's so important to re-think those sorts of environments and "communities" and figure out a way to improve them for the future, in ways that work well for everyone. We are truly SO CLOSE to one another, and yet, so far. It's a shame. Wishing you luck with all of this, and thank you again for your thoughts. <3
Oh my goodness yes! LOL our society has taught us that a community is a facebook group.... the amount of dissociation with reality and fake engagement hiding behind screens is insane. In moving to a new place and trying to find "real" friends and community - I feel you so hard on this entire piece. Also with the communal living specifically!! I've had a delusional dream of owning property with the whole family, raising chickens, having the garden, you name it. It's only recently become apparent to me that it's such a fantasy. And I can't stop living the life I have now and just dream about that.
Let's all keep trying though! To me there is nothing that really replaces real-time in-person contact with people, talking and laughing together. So, although it's a challenge, I will keep trying :)
I grew up in and around Rigby/Idaho Falls and was there during that eclipse. I hope you enjoyed. It was the most surreal experience. Expectations exceeded.
My attempt at building community this year has been creating a multi-generational household. My wife, my two kids and I moved in with my wife's mother and brother. My mental health has improved despite the challenges of negotiating boundaries and different cultures of the two household that had to come together as one. I feel more at ease that, in a pinch, someone is there to watch the kids if need be or the burdens of cooking and cleaning are kind of consolidated. We pay less in utilities etc. I can't say it's always easy, but at least I feel like we are taking care of each other.
Now, we live in suburban Atlanta, Georgia and we have made very little contact with our neighbors. We've tried to make some connections but we feel like we're on an island. I'm not sure how to create a community in an American suburb. I believe suburbs were designed for loneliness. But I believe it is possible. Does anyone have any experience with creating community in a place that is indifferent or hostile to communities? We're gonna try to take Christmas treats to some neighbors. Will report back.
So wild you were in the same spot for the eclipse! It was incredible, I agree – probably one of the most incredible experiences of my life.
I am impressed by the fact that you have gotten a multigenerational household set up. Such a huge, courageous undertaking that is such a blessing to have be successful. I feel you on the difficulty of generating community in suburbia, but I would guess more people are open to it than you would imagine. It's like everyone imagines everyone else isn't into it... so no one reaches out. Curious to hear how your Christmas treat experiment went.
When I lived in Topanga I set up an astrology get together on Meetup.com and that turned out to be a really good way to meet likeminded, local people. Sometimes you just have to be the one to get things started! But I think we are all so hungry for it at this point, I'd be surprised if you weren't able to generate at least some sort of communal feeling in Atlanta.
I wasn't clear enough about what I mean by "need". Of course we still need people emotionally (and other creatures), and we need a feeling of belonging to a tribe/vilage/land or other higher levels of organization. But our material dependence on people and land has gotten very abstract. We do not have strong (or any) relationships with the people or land who produce goods and services for us, and the people or land we produce goods and services for. Compare that with a medieval village or a tribe, where almost everything you use is made by someone you know (including yourself).
Intentional communities have not thrived, according to several criteria: turnover, growth, longevity and impact on global problems. We have to admit this before we can make any progress. We can't blame it on patriarchy, because there were thriving villages with patriarchy. Patriarchy is group-selected for in agrarian and pastoralist cultures, not in hunter-gatherer or industrial cultures and it only pits villages or nations against each other (which can happen even without patriarchy), but it encourages group cohesion and cooperation within villages (see Ian Morris' Foragers, Farmers and Fossil Fuels).
As far as mindset, we need a mindset to form a strong inter-dependence when the global economy entices us with internet, Netflix, Youtube, cars, medical services, and all the comforts and conveniences that we have. The liberal mindset of sharing resources with people who are NOT in a group with us is maladaptive. Those people will compete with us instead of cooperating and sharing resources with us. Eventually we would like to (having a liberal, humanist mindset) include them in all-level groups such as families, villages, tribes, nations, and united nations, but right now almost none of those structures are groupish enough to encourage cooperation, discourage in-group competition, and keep free-riding frequencies low. This is the perspective of multi-level selection...
We are ignoring the fact that since the industrial revolution, we no longer strongly need the people or the land around around us. And since the agricultural revolution, we no longer need the level of intimacy that tribes had in order to survive. I'm not saying we should abandon industrial production or agriculture if we want to have successful communities again, though it might go in that direction. I'm saying we need to figure out how to strongly need each other and the land around us again. This is fleshed out a bit more here: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1jIKg9N6oLSwrjLKji_NHfbOsYOLh6aAwK2g1W38T6sE/edit?usp=sharing. Would love it if folks gave me some feedback on it.
I would disagree that we no longer "need" people, or the land, or the level of intimacy tribes needed in order to survive. Logistically, sure, agriculture, industry and patriarchy have tried to pit us against each other and remove the *necessity* for us to co-exist peacefully and reciprocally. However, I think this interconnectedness is very much still what our soul and spirit need, not to mention the planet. You say in your piece that intentional communities need to outcompete the global economy in order to thrive, which I don't think is necessarily true, unless you have a very narrow definition of what intentional community means. No intentional community (as far as I know) has ever "outcompeted" the global economy in order to thrive... they thrive despite (and perhaps in spite of) the global economy. I think the trick, like you say, is to figure out ways to need each other and the land around us more, but I think that's mostly going to have to start as a mindset thing more than a logistical thing. We're never going to outpace or outsmart global anything, instead, we have to act as tricksters... find the loop holes, and crawl out of whatever cages they've left unlocked.
Thank you so much for this piece Anya. So many parallels here to my own life. I also left my marriage in 2017 at the age of 30 and felt drawn towards exploring intentional communities, spending some time at eco projects around Germany. But eventually, I came to realise that what I was looking for wasn't a kind of intentional commune (in fact, I now even see many difficulties with such concepts), but rather a sense of belonging and togetherness.
In the last year or so, after living in my apartment building for over 10 years, I've been working to build togetherness with our neighbours. By placing an old secondhand picnic bench and a ping pong table in our shared yard, I've been able to enter into some incredible conversations and drink tea with people who have been in the building for 45 years! (Some even asked if I was new to the building! I guess this is that "willingness to be seen" that Ian Mackenzie talks about...).
This is the kind of community that fascinates me now: the one that precisely _isn't_ intentional, but rather entirely random. And yet despite this, connection is to be found. Of course, it doesn't happen automatically. And it takes openness, curiosity and stepping out of the control-freak zone (a shared gardening project with the neighbours really illuminated that to me!).
I feel incredibly nourished by this, and I'm really grateful to be a genuine part of it. I don't want community to be something that is marketed to me to sell more products or services. I want genuine participation, stewardship and reciprocity - even with all the awkward stuff.
Thanks so much for sharing your story on this. What a wonderful journey you have been on since that eclipse! I hope for the solstice in a few days will be equally as memorable for you, as you build the life boat with all your humble learnings!
Thanks so much for sharing all of this, Zaz! So cool about what you've been able to cultivate in your apartment building. I think it's so important to re-think those sorts of environments and "communities" and figure out a way to improve them for the future, in ways that work well for everyone. We are truly SO CLOSE to one another, and yet, so far. It's a shame. Wishing you luck with all of this, and thank you again for your thoughts. <3
Thank you so much for the warm reply ! If you're ever passing through Berlin, come and drink a tea in the yard and swap stories <3
Oh my goodness yes! LOL our society has taught us that a community is a facebook group.... the amount of dissociation with reality and fake engagement hiding behind screens is insane. In moving to a new place and trying to find "real" friends and community - I feel you so hard on this entire piece. Also with the communal living specifically!! I've had a delusional dream of owning property with the whole family, raising chickens, having the garden, you name it. It's only recently become apparent to me that it's such a fantasy. And I can't stop living the life I have now and just dream about that.
Let's all keep trying though! To me there is nothing that really replaces real-time in-person contact with people, talking and laughing together. So, although it's a challenge, I will keep trying :)
Community is a Facebook group. Haha. Exactly. I am down to keep trying too... it's about the journey after all, right?
I grew up in and around Rigby/Idaho Falls and was there during that eclipse. I hope you enjoyed. It was the most surreal experience. Expectations exceeded.
My attempt at building community this year has been creating a multi-generational household. My wife, my two kids and I moved in with my wife's mother and brother. My mental health has improved despite the challenges of negotiating boundaries and different cultures of the two household that had to come together as one. I feel more at ease that, in a pinch, someone is there to watch the kids if need be or the burdens of cooking and cleaning are kind of consolidated. We pay less in utilities etc. I can't say it's always easy, but at least I feel like we are taking care of each other.
Now, we live in suburban Atlanta, Georgia and we have made very little contact with our neighbors. We've tried to make some connections but we feel like we're on an island. I'm not sure how to create a community in an American suburb. I believe suburbs were designed for loneliness. But I believe it is possible. Does anyone have any experience with creating community in a place that is indifferent or hostile to communities? We're gonna try to take Christmas treats to some neighbors. Will report back.
So wild you were in the same spot for the eclipse! It was incredible, I agree – probably one of the most incredible experiences of my life.
I am impressed by the fact that you have gotten a multigenerational household set up. Such a huge, courageous undertaking that is such a blessing to have be successful. I feel you on the difficulty of generating community in suburbia, but I would guess more people are open to it than you would imagine. It's like everyone imagines everyone else isn't into it... so no one reaches out. Curious to hear how your Christmas treat experiment went.
When I lived in Topanga I set up an astrology get together on Meetup.com and that turned out to be a really good way to meet likeminded, local people. Sometimes you just have to be the one to get things started! But I think we are all so hungry for it at this point, I'd be surprised if you weren't able to generate at least some sort of communal feeling in Atlanta.
I wasn't clear enough about what I mean by "need". Of course we still need people emotionally (and other creatures), and we need a feeling of belonging to a tribe/vilage/land or other higher levels of organization. But our material dependence on people and land has gotten very abstract. We do not have strong (or any) relationships with the people or land who produce goods and services for us, and the people or land we produce goods and services for. Compare that with a medieval village or a tribe, where almost everything you use is made by someone you know (including yourself).
Intentional communities have not thrived, according to several criteria: turnover, growth, longevity and impact on global problems. We have to admit this before we can make any progress. We can't blame it on patriarchy, because there were thriving villages with patriarchy. Patriarchy is group-selected for in agrarian and pastoralist cultures, not in hunter-gatherer or industrial cultures and it only pits villages or nations against each other (which can happen even without patriarchy), but it encourages group cohesion and cooperation within villages (see Ian Morris' Foragers, Farmers and Fossil Fuels).
As far as mindset, we need a mindset to form a strong inter-dependence when the global economy entices us with internet, Netflix, Youtube, cars, medical services, and all the comforts and conveniences that we have. The liberal mindset of sharing resources with people who are NOT in a group with us is maladaptive. Those people will compete with us instead of cooperating and sharing resources with us. Eventually we would like to (having a liberal, humanist mindset) include them in all-level groups such as families, villages, tribes, nations, and united nations, but right now almost none of those structures are groupish enough to encourage cooperation, discourage in-group competition, and keep free-riding frequencies low. This is the perspective of multi-level selection...
I will join you in admitting ineptitude, this hits home to true to me. Thank you for this piece Anya.
Thanks for being inept with me <3
We are ignoring the fact that since the industrial revolution, we no longer strongly need the people or the land around around us. And since the agricultural revolution, we no longer need the level of intimacy that tribes had in order to survive. I'm not saying we should abandon industrial production or agriculture if we want to have successful communities again, though it might go in that direction. I'm saying we need to figure out how to strongly need each other and the land around us again. This is fleshed out a bit more here: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1jIKg9N6oLSwrjLKji_NHfbOsYOLh6aAwK2g1W38T6sE/edit?usp=sharing. Would love it if folks gave me some feedback on it.
I would disagree that we no longer "need" people, or the land, or the level of intimacy tribes needed in order to survive. Logistically, sure, agriculture, industry and patriarchy have tried to pit us against each other and remove the *necessity* for us to co-exist peacefully and reciprocally. However, I think this interconnectedness is very much still what our soul and spirit need, not to mention the planet. You say in your piece that intentional communities need to outcompete the global economy in order to thrive, which I don't think is necessarily true, unless you have a very narrow definition of what intentional community means. No intentional community (as far as I know) has ever "outcompeted" the global economy in order to thrive... they thrive despite (and perhaps in spite of) the global economy. I think the trick, like you say, is to figure out ways to need each other and the land around us more, but I think that's mostly going to have to start as a mindset thing more than a logistical thing. We're never going to outpace or outsmart global anything, instead, we have to act as tricksters... find the loop holes, and crawl out of whatever cages they've left unlocked.